12Th House Stellium

A million drops on my rooftop, I listen as I lay in bed, Cold and sick  I think about the the face I hide The facade made to parade behind, Mobile screens, Thunder reminds me I cannot sleep My chest heavy,  But I do not cry, Just one of those days  Emotions hit louder My fists balled and tucked under, Hair that's become entangled Like thoughts of unrealistic expectations  Caught amongst moments of lost ambition, Time goes on, But my mind remains stuck  Disassociate, I can't stand myself And maybe with luck This will all mend.

 I only come here to talk to you, Where minds meet, Temperaments intertwine Where yours feel like mine, I see you as ideologies and hope Love anew, morning dew, Opening my heart, Layers and layers What leaves, leaves, what stays, stays Warm sweater on a cool September eve Finger tips sliding across screen, Staring through my anatomy.... The more you know the less you believe, Change my mind, change my thoughts Transcend beyond connection, Body, soul and reflection.

 I have grown old in twenty years, Memories felt like nails against chalkboard, I'd never wish to be 14 again, My grandmother's wailing of inadequacies Ricochet on a cloak of loneliness and misunderstanding, She had broken us. Maybe she felt vengeance we were the burdens left her with her. I still find fragments of longing for love and acceptance, She was broken too. Twenty years have passed since I last smelt the sea, Or felt the ripple of a wave, My body and mind focused on healing bruises of words, so offcourse Senses became secondary, I miss my eyes filling up because of the vaporized, salty air, Sand moving beneath my feet beckoning me to dive into the blossom of a wave. Twenty years have passed since My mother said call her by her name, I was ashamed, not for her, For myself for not understanding sooner that she wasn't 'Mummy' anymore, The lump in my throat from holding back tears meant to stay with me till now and maybe till the end of time. Twenty years have...

 I look for you in everyone I meet, Spirit and Soul, You are the embodiment of my dreams and peeves, What's so special about you anyway? You haunt me like I'm your house, Every crevice of my body calls out to you, But there is no echo, Only this lonely shell, Tear drops flow like summer monsoons, It is my chest that carries,  Every conversation, thoughts and ideal, Somedays the weight of it becomes so loud, I can almost tell what song a heartbreak sounds like, So 'I miss you' becomes the only words I can think of. C.M.

We belong, Hand in glove, We belong, I am soul and you are eternity, I drift through time, And you wait for me to realize you have always been here, We belong, Sea meets Ocean, I'm the notes and you are the musician, We make music like lovers make love, Wholesome and Unbothered, We belong, Length to Breath Reaching for each other, Through mass and matter, Space and Time.

Hours became days, Where sunsets turned into twilights, And like a fever dream, you consumed my reality Slowly, you painted my grey world into pastel shades of moonlight on soft summer nights. I miss your drunken flirting, treading lightly on words... deep conversations of random concepts, so close yet so vague, so personal yet so aloof. I imagined you smell like books and cigarettes, delicate fingers, typing paragraphs of your daily life in thoughts and opinions, sometimes cruel, sometimes sweet but always nostalgic, like a blanket that's too worn out. I miss you, Intimate Stranger. Unfamiliar Friend.