12Th House Stellium

I used to believe that losing you ment losing myself, I see only now that my biggest misfortune was believing that I need you to complete me. We were never whole And I was never broken. The only thing that's left now is to tear myself away from this fabric of 'us' The only thing that's left is to walk away from what has left me so long ago. My belief you would come back, Maybe you would someday. Maybe I won't. -C.M.

Life is a lonely room, High on expectation, Awaiting an audience that probably won't show up. If only the hours, the minutes and seconds were cut in half, Quicken to leave this broken place. -C.M.

Goodbye trouble... Good Riddance to you... Goodbye heartache... There's No more hope here for you. I forgot where I left the bullets I promised myself from the start stop my mind from thinking thoughts And remembering memories, Memories that I wish I could segregate From my heart. Stealing more than my spirit, growing ugly under my skin, you've become a bad taste in my mouth, Roots that linger in too deep.. but your time here has grown thin. Goodbye trouble... Good Riddance to you... Goodbye heartache... There's No more hope here for you. -C.M.

Solitude is my refuge... My one and only home, Everybody here misses me... When im gone too long. I put my mask on well, But it only stays awhile, People make me tired, Weary is my smile. I wish I could be here forever, Wrapped in my little cup, But I miss my poison potion, My poison is my luck. He makes me feel like something, Makes me alive somewhat, Then pull the rug under my feet, When he thinks Iv had enough. Here's to my solitude, Who knows me very well, Know i will come running back, For in her comfort, I dwell. -C.M.

 The monsters in your closet don't live there anymore.... They lie in your bed, In your clothes, in your drawers, They live in your head.... They're devouring you whole... When you look in the mirror... Do you recognize who stares back? There aren't anymore tears, Was your heart ever that black? Shuting your windows, Wishing ghosts come back to play, Shutting your heart, Never let night become day, Masquerade in your memories, In darkness awake your sin, Like an old movie over and over, No end... no beginning. -C.M.

Thoughts shatter as night turns to day, Feeling emptier than I ever did before, Refusing to believe.... refusing to stay, Coffee spills and stains on my shirt, What's the matter? It certainly burnt but never hurt... How to feel when feelings have left? Jaded eyes, jaded heart, Words remain unspoken ,but intuition isn't deaf, My heart doesn't know how to ,.... without you. -C.M

Life..... you've become so endearing, Lately iv been having too many conversations in my head about you, About the people you've welcomed, About the people you brought to me for love, For rage, For rawness, For experiences, For lessons, How twisted you are for allowing me emotions, How savage and uncouth.... Here we are in the spring of life and all i can do is evny smiles, Why so numb? Lonliness was always a sanctuary, Emptying myself of memories, Till I am but a hollow abyss.

Everyday I tell myself this will get easy, I just need to get back to myself, Reopen the boxes of myself I thought I didn't need to feel complete, But how do you do that? How do I reassemble the pieces that you left with me with my own? At least we're friends, right? Yeah, at least we still get to talk, At least I can see you be happy Maybe even happier with someone else, Everyday I tell myself this will get easy, But I fucking lie to myself, I'm scared, I'm so afraid that the emptiness without you will never go away, Those screams of waking up without you being there, It haunts me, It hurts..... I miss you... Then in the morning you'would call, You didn't sleep too well, I'd tell you things will get easier, Id rather comfort you with a lie than hurt you with the truth. I always lie to you, don't I ?? Everyday I tell myself things will get easier. C.M.